changes - ParkeRose - All For The Game (2024)

Chapter 1: surprise

Chapter Text

Wymack stared at the young boy’s green eyes and wondered what exactly he had done to deserve this.

The list was too long.

Beside him, Abby was staring at the boy with her ever-kind eyes, but her lips were pursed in a way that suggested she did not know what to do with this situation. Betsy was making hot chocolate.

Of course, she was making hot chocolate.

Wymack sighed, running a rough hand through his hair, paper crumpled in his hands. “I need a cigarette.”

Abby gave him a disappointed look, and nodded towards the kid sitting quietly in front of them.

“What?” Wymack asked, spreading his hands out.

“Don’t be rude.”

Wymack failed to understand what the f*ck was rude about needing a smoke, but he turned towards the kid regardless.

“Right, sorry, um. Do you want a cigarette?”

The boy’s eyes, those desperately familiar eyes, filled with terror and he shook his head so fast Wymack thought it would fall off. The boy kept his mouth shut, but he looked like he was swallowing pebbles.

Abby smacked the back of Wymack’s head. The boy flinched.

“Now, Kevin”, Betsy said, appearing in the kitchen doorway behind them. “How much sugar is too much sugar?”

The boy- Kevin looked lost. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Your hot chocolate. How do you like it?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Two spoonfuls will do”, Betsy nodded, and disappeared again. Wymack sent an inquisitive look to Abby, who urged him out the house with a gentle push.

“Go. Hurry back.”

Wymack sighed in relief, pulling his pack out the back pocket of his cargos. What a God awful day this was turning out to be. He’d woken up, which was the all the trouble really, at ass o’clock in the morning, poured himself three cups of coffee, pulled out a nasty box of paperwork, and settled down on his couch to spend the rest of the day ignoring it.

It was going smoothly until he’d heard a quiet knock on the door. He’d been sitting so depressingly still, he’d heard it even over the sound of the television. Outside was the boy, Kevin, standing with his hands gripping his backpack like his life depended on it.

“Um”, he said. “I’m Kevin.”

“It’s not halloween kid, what the hell are you doing here?”

Kevin’s eyes widened at his gruff voice. “The Master sent me.”

Wymack sighed. “Listen kid, they might have you all convinced about all that ‘lord and savior’ Jesus Christ stuff, but God did not send you here-”

“Oh, no. I meant, um, Mr. Moriyama. Lord Moriyama.”

Now that name, Wymack had heard. And he’d heard it more so when he was younger, through the lips of a woman who was no longer in his life.

Who was no longer in anyone’s life.

“Wait”, the boy said. “I have something for you.” He pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper, looking as if it was one second away from ripping, and presented it to him with both hands. Both, tremoring, shaking hands.

Wymack took it quickly, skimming over the words.

“You are David Wymack, yes? The Master said to recognize you by the flames on your arms.”

Wymack pulled his eyes away from the letter to stare at his arms. “Uh-huh. That’s me”, he replied, still looking for why this was the letter he’d received. It was addressed to Tetsuji Moriyama, and dated five years ago. “You must be Kayleigh’s boy. She-”

Wymack paused, his thumb tracing over words that muddled in his mind. No, paused was the wrong word. Wymack was still as stone.

-that he is Wymack’s son and he does not know it. And I do not know how to tell him.

“I am her son. And yours as well”, Kevin said, straight backed and neat, not a hair out of place. “The Master-”

Wymack shut the door in his face.

The boy couldn’t be older than fourteen, but he was tall enough to look sixteen. How had this much time passed since he had last met her? It felt like yesterday. It felt like he would see her again tomorrow. He remembered everything. Everything, everything, everything. Oh, was he hallucinating? Was this a bad dream?

And if it wasn’t – had he just shut the door in his son’s face?

f*ck.

He opened the door again, to find Kevin’s mouth stoppered. All the confidence in his eyes shattered like glass, spread over Wymack’s porch like a lesson in history. That’s how easy it was, wasn’t it? He’d done it so fast, so quick, so immediately that he hadn’t even stopped to understand what Kevin would think to have the door shut in his face by his father.

“I”, Kevin started again, a drawled out whisper this time. He wouldn’t look at Wymack, but Wymack could look nowhere else. It was Wymack whose hands shook now. “I’m sorry to come unannounced like this. I won’t take much of your time, I promise. If you could give me a lift to the nearest orphanage, or a bit of money and some directions I’ll be out of your hair.”

It felt too rehearsed to be sudden. He’d been expecting Wymack to reject him.

“I’ll return the money, of course. As soon as I’m able.”

Wymack took a shaky breath and opened the door wider. “Come inside, kid.”

Kevin shook his head. “It’s alright, really. I can go immediately-”

“You’re not going anywhere. Come on in.”

He was on the phone the next second, and a small time later Abby and Betsy had shown up. Now the sun had set, Kevin was still here, and Betsy was filling the house with the smell of heaven. Wymack left it all behind to take a drag, blowing out his breath towards the starless sky.

“f*ck”, he whispered. “What the f*ck, Kayleigh?”

He could almost hear her laugh, her slow giggle at the state he was in. A creature of the night that’s what she was, making everyone around her lose their senses. Charming and breaking hearts every moment. Seems she’d left her own behind for him to take care of.

He looked down at the letter one last time before pocketing it neatly. He stumped out his cigarette on the floor moments before the door swung closed behind him.

Kevin insisted.

“If you could just tell me where to go, I will-”

“Shut up, kid”, Wymack said, for the fifteenth time, and paused when Kevin slumped back on his chair.

“I can pay you back for your help-”

“I don’t want your money”, Wymack replied easily, his wiry glasses perched at the bridged of his nose while he filled out yet more paperwork. Legal guardian. f*ck, he wasn’t meant for this. But he could hardly turn the boy away, no matter how much he insisted. Especially, because he insisted.

“I’m sorry for all the inconvenience”, Kevin said, meekly. “Can I help you with anything? Any work? Chores?”

Wymack looked around the state of the living room – ashtrays and dirty mugs, papers on the floor and table, dirty curtains, a curling iron, a stolen jukebox and his ratty, green couch. It could do with some cleaning.

“Sit”, Wymack said, patting the chair next to himself. He took his glasses off, and for all his eagerness to help Wymack, Kevin sat on the chair like it had thorns prickling out of it. The thing is, Wymack knew the type of guy Moriyama was and, from the looks of it, Kevin did as well. He didn’t know why Tetsuji hadn’t immediately sent Kevin to him when Kayleigh had passed away, but now that he had there was no way in hell Wymack was going to send him to anyone else. “What do you know about orphanages?”

Kevin’s eyes widened. “I know they aren’t…ideal. But you don’t need to-”

“And if they treat you worse than Moriyama did?”

Kevin’s mouth fell into a thin line. When he didn’t respond, Wymack sighed again – he’d been doing that a lot more than usual.

“Look, kid. What do you want?”

Silence.

“You look like a smart kid. I know you know sh*t’s not safe out there, so why do you want to go?”

“No one said sh*t will be safe in here.”

Wymack nodded. Kevin wasn’t wrong, but hearing these words out of a fourteen year old’s mouth hurt him like nothing else. He remembered being Kevin’s age and facing the brunt of his father’s abuse and mother’s dismissal. He knew what it was to be abandoned by parents, knew exactly how much Kevin would resent him if Wymack threw him out right now.

Wymack would hate himself more.

“I’ll say it then”, Wymack started. “I’ll be a loud, grouchy, old man for most of the time I spend at home. But I’m not going to hurt you. sh*t might not feel safe in the start but I’ll be damned if I don’t try to make it better for you. You got that?”

Kevin’s eyes were watering, and Wymack didn’t know how to handle that much.

“You don’t have to.”

“Of course I do.”

“You didn’t get a choice in this” , Kevin complained. “She kept this from you. You didn’t want a son-”

“But I have one. That’s all there is, are we clear?” He put his best impression of a professorial voice.

Kevin was not clear. “I don’t want you to hate me. She liked you, she told me about you and she only had good things to say.” The boy was crying now, but he was trying to hide it so Wymack did his best to pretend he couldn’t see. The thought of his mother was likely too much to handle – Wymack could barely stand thinking of his own a good day. “I don’t want her to be angry at me for telling you. For bothering you.”

Wymack turned in his chair, and was glad for Kevin’s height because he would’ve hated to bend and speak to him. “You wanna know something, kid? You knew your mother longer than I did.”

Kevin’s eyes widened.

“But I didn’t need to know her twelve years to be sure that she loved you. She would have done anything for you, and she wouldn’t want you under Moriyama’s wing. She wouldn’t want you in an orphanage or out on the streets. If she was alive she wouldn’t even want you here with me, I’ve rarely got a good thing to say. But she’s not here, and you’re my responsibility. By blood, and because, for the little while she was alive, she was my friend.”

Kevin’s quiet sniffles filled the house. Wymack felt the sting in his eyes and ignored it.

“I wouldn’t turn you away even if you weren’t mine. You got that?”

Kevin nodded, before taking a rough breath. “Yes.”

Wymack kept a hand on his head, and that was all he could do.

Chapter 2: seal

Chapter Text

six months later

“David!” Abby’s voice rang out. She threw a pillow at him for full effect and he raised his head off the couch like he couldn’t believe she was doing this to him. She stood with one hand on her hip, the other pointing at the clock on the wall. “Have you seen the time?”

Wymack looked across to find both the minute and hour hand on 8. “You forget how to read a clock or something?” He dumped his face back on the pillow and closed his eyes. f*cking exhausting day with the Foxes he’d had – he deserved a nap more than anyone else he knew.

“Kevin”, Abby said next, and Wymack’s eyes opened with such sudden horror he couldn’t believe he was still capable of even feeling the emotion. He was off the couch in the next five seconds, draping on his watch. Abby gave him his keys, and coat and a kiss on the cheek and then he was out the house like his ass was on fire.

He couldn’t believe himself as he drove, couldn’t believe himself when he arrived at the school to find the stands emptying out. One of the parents gave him a strange look when he started to rush towards the Court and not away from it. Her own arm was draped over the shoulders of a boy who look freshly showered, ready to leave after a long, tough game. f*ck, how late was he?

He found Kevin on the stands, picking at his fingernails – a horrible habit he’d picked up from somewhere and refused to let go of. He was staring at the Court, watching the cleaners sweep the floors with clinical ease to erase any evidence of his presence there. Wymack stopped near the stands to catch his breath, and Kevin turned to grab his headphones, preparing to uncoil them. He must have felt Wymack’s stare, because he looked up the next second, right at him.

Wymack raised his hand in a low wave, and Kevin didn’t wave back.

Slowly, he walked over to the blue benches and took a seat next to his son. Kevin looked prepared to leave any second, but he didn’t seem ready to do so. Wymack wondered how long he would’ve stayed here reading.

“I lost”, Kevin started, before Wymack could say a word. Kevin’s voice had picked up an octave over the past few months, merging more and more with Wymack’s tone and depth. But now, it sounded small and lost, like the voice of a child. “I’m sorry.”

“Was it a good game?”

“No. The other team was ten times better and I couldn’t hold my own against them. I told the other striker to do better, but he didn’t listen-”

“You mad I missed it?”

Kevin stopped. Shook his head. “No, I assumed you were busy.”

“I wasn’t. I fell asleep.”

“Was it a good nap?” Kevin asked, mimicking his question.

“I won’t lie to you, kid. It was the best I had in ages.”

Kevin let out a small huff of a laugh, the way he did sometimes when he was scared to. When he didn’t know if he should be laughing.

“You mad I lost?” Kevin asked next.

“No. It’s a team sport, you can’t take all the blame for it.”

“I know that”, Kevin nodded. “You can still be mad. Moriyama would’ve been.”

“Yeah, well. I’m not Moriyama.”

Kevin didn’t say anything for a long time, fidgeting with his headphones till they were free of themselves. Then he replied: “I’m glad you aren’t.”

one year later

“You don’t think he’ll mind?” he asked Abby, poring over paperwork at four a.m.

“Have you met the boy, David? He wouldn’t mind if you left him on the street, he’s terrified of you hating him.”

Wymack knew that. He knew that very well, and it left an ugly taste in his mouth.

“He would still understand, I think. At least he’s started asking for things now, you know?”

Wymack slumped back on his seat and sighed. “Yeah, but if he finds out money’s tight, he might stop.”

“Or he’d understand. He’s fifteen years old, he won’t throw a tantrum over moving out the house.”

“Do you want me to?”

Wymack startled, turning towards the kitchen entrance. “Jesus Christ, I’m gonna put a bell on you.”

“Do you want me to move out?” Kevin asked. “I’ve got my mom’s money, but I don’t have access to it yet. You do. If money’s tight, then you can use it. Or give it ot me so I can live somewhere else.”

Not this again. Wymack rolled his eyes at the ceiling, tired of the repetitive insinuation that he wanted Kevin to leave. “For the last time, kid. You’re not moving out till you’re eighteen. You know what number that is? One and eight, side by side.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, and Wymack’s mouth dropped open. He looked at Abby immediately, pointing at Kevin in a do you see the disrespect? way. Abby smiled fondly, and reached out to take Kevin’s hands over the table.

“David was just looking at apartments to move into. The house is too big for everyone, it’s better to sell it. That’ll help fix the money issue as well, so you don’t need to worry about us using your mother’s savings.”

“You can if you want to”, Kevin shrugged.

Wymack grunted. “You’ll thank us later for saving it for you. Don’t be so generous.”

“Why not? You are”, Kevin replied. Wymack looked to Abby again, who only shrugged.

“He’s right.”

“I’m right.”

“I’m not using your money, kid. You’re good with us moving to an apartment?”

Kevin nodded quickly. “Yes, but I want a window in my room.”

Abby’s smile was pleased when she met Wymack’s eyes.

*

“It’s a good idea to send them together. I’m only surprised Andrew agreed”, Betsy said, over the phone.

Andrew was the scary, blond kid Betsy had recently adopted. He was fresh out of juvie with a penchant for arson and a great love for knives. He may be a bad influence on Kevin, but Wymack would never say that. He wasn’t the best influence on Kevin either, and he was raising the damn kid.

“I’ve met him, Bee. I’ll be damned if the kid makes one more friend besides Kevin over there. Proximity is the only reason they won’t be alone.”

“Both of them? Is Kevin having trouble making friends?”

Wymack stepped away from the stove, pulling the phone away from his ear. “Kevin, are you having trouble making friends?”

Kevin didn’t look up from his homework. “I don’t want any friends.”

“He doesn’t want any friends”, Wymack repeated into the phone. “He wants to die alone like the loser that he is.”

“David”, Betsy scolded.

“What? I’m just saying.”

“You’re the loser”, Kevin replied, rolling his eyes.

“You don’t get to talk to me like that, kid”, Wymack said, pointing his spatula at him. He pressed the phone between shoulder and ear as he listened to Betsy ramble on about how he was detrimentally affecting Kevin’s development. Meanwhile, he plated Kevin’s eggs the way he liked them, and added more bacon to Kevin’s plate than his own. He stared at the disbalance, then tossed another piece onto Kevin’s.

“Kevin, are you going to think I’m the worst father in the world because I called you a loser?”

He set the plate down in front of Kevin, who pushed it away, writing furiously fast.

“Yes.”

“Promise?” Wymack asked. “Betsy says I’ve ruined your life.”

Kevin stopped writing for a moment. He looked up, blinked at Wymack, then shook his head.

“You’re not like that. You wouldn’t do anything like that”, his son replied, with such intense surety that Wymack nearly stopped processing what Betsy was saying over the phone. He picked up a piece of bacon and shoved it in his mouth to distract himself.

“Use a fork”, Kevin reprimanded, again without looking up.

Wymack picked up more bacon with his hands before standing up to get a fork for Kevin.

Chapter 3: sour

Chapter Text

high school (freshman year)

Kevin stomped in through the front door with a horrible expression on his face. He hated being angry in front of Wymack but he couldn’t help himself.

“Why did you agree to send Andrew to the same school as me?” he asked his father, in lieu of a greeting.

“He’s the one who agreed” , Wymack replied, squinting at the television screen in front of him.

“Who asked him? Why did you ask him? Why did no one ask me?”

Wymack finally looked at him, framed in the living room doorway with his bag slinging off his elbow. Kevin watched him take in the bruise on his face and his eyes narrowed.

“f*ck happened to you?”

“Andrew got into a fight.”

“With you?”

Kevin rolled his eyes and walked over to the couch. No. Not with him, but that would happen soon enough. “With a bunch of stupid bullies at school.”

“You’re getting bullied?” Wymack asked, and sat up next to Kevin, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Look here”, his father said, and folded his hand into a fist. “Thumb outside. Never inside or it’ll hurt you. And you swing up with force. Like this.”

Wymack punched up into the air then paused when one of the strikers on screen scored on a penalty. For a minute they were both too distracted to care about bullies or punches or Andrew. A game was on.

“USC versus EAU?” Kevin asked. “The seven goal game? From last season?”

“You’ve got a good eye, kid.” Wymack ruffled his hair and Kevin snatched the remote to increase the volume. He was so transfixed on red and gold movements on screen he couldn’t believe his eyes when one of the Ravens scored.

“Thea’s a good backliner”, he said. “But her footwork is off.”

“You would’ve been on that team, y’know. If he’d kept you.”

Kevin didn’t need to be told who he was. Most days he could block out Tetsuji Moriyama’s face from his mind, but it was the night terrors that bothered him. His sleep paralysis often left him a sobbing mess, and the Master had to do little but stand in the corner of his room to intimidate him.

He was glad for his window – it helped him breathe, at least.

“The Trojans are better.”

“You gonna join them?”

Kevin knew he wouldn’t, no matter how nice it would be. He would never fit into the cheerful image the USC Trojans had – smiling that much would make his face hurt. “I don’t know”, he replied, knowing his father wouldn’t like what he was actually planning to do.

“Figure it out later. Tell me what happened.”

Wymack stood up off the couch and started gathering his things. Kevin sighed before following him around like a lost puppy.

“Andrew’s way too violent to be on any Court. He started beating this one guy up like he would kill him, I swear. The guy didn’t even say anything to him. He was just talking down to me, but it’s nothing I haven’t- are we going to Foxhole?” Kevin’s eyes lit up when Wymack nodded. Thankfully all his gear was packed already, so Kevin grabbed his bag on the way out the apartment.

“So, the guy called me a fa*ggot and Andrew started beating him up right there. I’m so glad it’s Tuesday, or he would’ve stabbed the guy. And then-”

Wymack started the car, an dadjusted the mirrors. “He doesn’t stab on Tuesdays?”

“I get to keep his knives alternate days of the week.”

Wymack looked at him like he’d grown another head, but Kevin waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s just a stupid deal we made. I’m telling you, he’s too violent-”

“Exy’s violent.”

“Not knife violent.”

“He’ll grow out of it”, Wymack shrugged, pulling open the window when they stopped at the signal. The car’s AC wasn’t working again, no matter how much both of them wrestled with it. Wymack pulled out the car’s cigarette lighter, and lit one up for himself.

“I don’t think he will”, Kevin said. “He’s started smoking too. You know that sh*t’s bad for you, right?”

His father laughed like he always did when Kevin gave him lectures on health. “Don’t beat it till you try it.”

“I have tried”, Kevin rolled his eyes. Andrew had offered one to him just yesterday, and Kevin had almost coughed his guts out. At least it had made Andrew almost laugh.

“Look, kid. Why’re you so riled up about the bullies? Andrew hit ‘em back, ‘cause you wouldn’t do it. I don’t see any problem with that.”

Kevin squinted at his father, then turned away to look out the window. For a moment, he didn’t know what to say. Why was he concerned what Andrew did, anyway? Hadn’t it felt nice to have someone defend him for the first time in his life? But, it wasn’t Noah’s black and blue face he was concerned for when he thought about Andrew’s violence.

It was Andrew’s hands – his knuckles bruised and bloody, carnivorous and ready to eat whoever dared to step up to them the next second. He’d seen the scars on Andrew’s arms, the reasons why he wore long sleeves all the time even in this disgustingly hot weather. They peeked through sometimes when Andrew moved, or when he traded his clothes for gym. Some had paled to the passage of time but others were red and raw, a bruising ache that told more of Andrew’s story than he would ever tell himself.

It wasn’t stupid to want someone like him to not get hurt.

Especially not by their self-imposed violence.

He didn’t know how to say all that to his father, so instead he charged him with subtle guilt, only because he knew it wouldn’t work. “Shouldn’t you be telling me violence is not the way? To stay away from him ‘cause he’s a bad influence?”

“You got any other friends, kid?”

Kevin sent his father a dead-panned look.

“Bruise on your face says no. Popular kids don’t get bullied.”

“Were you popular?” Kevin asked, ever-curious.

Wymack blew out a heavy breath, laden with smoke and a gruff laugh. “Was I ever? I got your mom, didn’t I?”

Kevin scrunched his nose up. “Gross.”

“Which reminds me. Do we need to talk about the birds and the-”

“No!”

*

Kevin pulled out three granola bars, two chocolate chip cookies, one big packet of gummy bears, and a family size pack of chips from his bag, and threw them on the table. Andrew added onto the pile with a (too heavy) bag of sour worms, two family size pack of chips, three packs of M&M’s and a jumbo size bottle of cherry soda.

“Ew”, Kevin said. “You’re drinking all that yourself.”

“I’m not eating your stupid granola bars”, Andrew remarked, and ripped open the packet of gummy worms. Kevin started off with the sour worms, and after a few minutes of eating in silence, they both started smacking each other’s hands to get more worms out the pack.

“This is so unhealthy”, Kevin said, still chewing. “Why did I agree to this?”

“It’s my birthday. You asked what I wanted and I told you.”

“Think of something healthier next year.”

Andrew chewed silently for a while, before pushing the food away from himself. “I won’t be here next year.”

“Why not?”

“Betsy’s not gonna keep me”, Andrew said, and there was absolutely nothing in his voice to indicate he was upset about that insinuation. Absolutely nothing, which gave him away.

“You’re so full of sh*t”, Kevin said, filling the heavy silence by opening a pack of chips. “She’s not gonna give you up.”

“I found my real mother.”

Kevin stopped eating, and stared at the other boy with wide eyes. “And?”

“And my twin brother.”

Kevin’s mouth dropped open, chewed up chips visible to the world. Andrew grimaced and nudged a finger under his chin to close it. “A twin? There’s two of you? That’s ridiculous.”

“Betsy’s taking me to meet them soon. I don’t think I’ll be coming back.”

Well, that didn’t feel very nice. For all his push towards Andrew’s presence being an annoyance, he didn’t actually want the boy to leave. He was the only friend Kevin had had in…well, a long time, but he didn't like thinking of Riko. He liked playing Exy with Andrew, and sharing food like this – if Andrew went away, he would just sit here by himself and read. It wouldn’t be too awful, he told himself. He’d found his real parent too, eventually, and it had been the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe it would be the same for Andrew.

“Good thing I won’t miss you, then.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, then scrunched his nose like he did every time his tummy hurt.

“Is it the sour worms?” Kevin asked, immediately snatching the pack away from Andrew’s line of sight. “How many have you had? Jesus, the pack’s almost empty.”

“Shut up”, Andrew said, and took a deep breath. A few moments later, his face cleared up and he rest his forehead against the grimy, plastic lunch table of their school cafeteria. Andrew was quiet the entire while Kevin spent looking around at teenagers kissing and laughing and falling all over each other. He couldn’t imagine talking to a single one of them; couldn’t think of anyone’s birthday he would celebrate besides the boy sulking next to him. The boy who didn’t even know he was sulking, but he didn’t need to know. Kevin did.

“Kevin?” Andrew drawled, after a long time.

“Hmm?”

“Learn to throw a punch.”

*

Andrew didn’t come back after his visit.

Chapter 4: self

Chapter Text

eight months later

Kevin slept with his window closed, so it was alarming when he felt a breeze brush against his cheek. He grumbled as he turned to face the window and jolted back at the sight of someone slumped next to his bed. If he didn’t recognize the blond head of hair, he would’ve screamed for his father the next second.

Andrew looked up the second Kevin let out a breath, his eyes blurred with sleep.

“What the f*ck, ‘drew?”

Andrew didn’t spare him another glance, tucking his head back to its original position and shutting his eyes. Kevin stared in disbelief, more concerned by the bandages wrapped around Andrew’s head and hand.

“Andrew?” Kevin was too awake, suddenly. His window was open. Andrew was in his room. Andrew was injured in his room. “Andrew, what happened?”

The panic in his voice woke Andrew up properly, but he only looked up again to sigh. His face pressed against the arm splayed over Kevin’s bed, Andrew watched Kevin watch him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Was he dreaming? He hadn’t seen Andrew in anything except his dreams for the past eight months. But he would never imagine the boy injured, or hurt in any way.

“You think you’re dreaming”, Andrew mumbled. “I can tell.”

Still tell, he didn’t say. Distance had done nothing to Andrew’s ability to read him.

“Am I?” Kevin breathed. Andrew shook his head.

“Your mother?”

“Dead.”

Kevin reached a hand out, brushed it against Andrew’s hair near the bandages. Warily, Andrew let him, both of them slowed by sleep.

“Did she do this?”

Andrew shook his head again.

“Did you?” Kevin asked next, because he knew who Andrew hated most. He could still tell. The look in Andrew’s eyes hadn’t changed much over time.

Andrew didn’t reply, so Kevin moved back on his bed, closer to the wall. “Shut the window and lie down.”

Andrew, surprisingly, did as he was told for once, and when he was settled next to Kevin, he said: “I climbed up.”

“I noticed.”

“If I can do it, anyone can.”

“No one else did.”

“You’re not scared?”

“Of you?” Kevin squinted in the dark, now that the streetlight leaking through the window was gone. “No.”

Andrew didn’t say anything.

“Your brother?” Kevin asked next.

“Betsy.”

“Are you back for good?” Kevin asked. Andrew shrugged.

Kevin reached a hand up to Andrew’s hair again, so comfortable in his position he could feel sleep overtaking him again.

“I hope you’re back for good” he said, and closed his eyes.

“Kevin, have you-”

Wymack barelled into Kevin’s room and stopped still when both Kevin and Andrew woke with a jolt. They blinked at him, and he blinked back for all of one second before turning around.

“Yeah, he’s with Kevin. Don’t worry-” Wymack’s voice faded into the distance, and both boys fell back onto the bed with a thump. Andrew grunted at the pain in his head and Kevin waited for an explanation.

When he didn’t get one, he prompted: “Well?”

“We are not talking about this.”

“Yes, we are.”

“No.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, and threw a pillow over Andrew’s face. “Why are you back?”

He was asking like he hadn’t spent the past eight months desperately missing the other boy. It had been a pain in the ass to have no one to talk to, and Kevin hadn’t even realized he talked this much. Hadn’t understood Andrew’s silence till it was gone.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

For a moment, Kevin’s heart seized working because he thought Andrew was talking about him. But then, Andrew continued.

“She died, so I took Aaron and came back to Bee.”

“Aaron? Your brother?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “No, my dog.”

“Shut up. I didn’t know his name. You just…disappeared.”

“I told you I wouldn’t come back.” Andrew threw his pillow back.

“But you did come back.”

Andrew hummed. “I’m going back to sleep.”

Any other time, Kevin would’ve protested and bugged the other boy for questions but he wasn’t the person he was before Andrew had left. There was so much more to this than Andrew was letting on and he knew Andrew was in no mood to give him answers. Yet. He left the injured boy to sleep and headed to the kitchen, where Wymack was still on call with Betsy.

“No, he can stay as long as he wants”, Wymack was saying. “No. Hmm.”

Absent-mindedly, Wymack tapped the covered plates on the table – breakfast. It was Saturday, but there was an ERC conference his father had to rush to.

“You worry about Thing 1, Kevin will take care of Thing 2.” Kevin opened up his plate and grabbed a fork to dig into the scrambled eggs. He wasn’t the biggest fan but they were easy to make and Andrew liked them. Wymack snapped his fingers and pointed to Kevin’s room to inquire about the other boy.

Kevin placed his cheek on his hand to let him know Andrew was asleep.

“Yeah, Kevin’s got him. Thanks, I’ll see you when I get back. You too.”

Wymack flipped his phone shut and let out a deep, sullen sigh. “He’s gonna be okay?”

“Sure”, Kevin shrugged. “It’s Andrew. I’ve got him.”

Wymack stared at Kevin for a long moment after that, a hand braced on his waist in contemplation. He was wearing cargo shorts again, and a loose, orange PSU shirt.

“Throw that shirt out, it’s as old as you”, Kevin said.

“I’ll throw you out”, Wymack grumbled, before grabbing his keys. “Call Betsy if sh*t feels even a little bit off. For him or you.”

“We’ll be fine”, Kevin answered, with his mouth full.

“Don’t wait up.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

A few moments after Wymack left, Kevin had a sick feeling in his stomach that he’d go into his room to find Andrew gone. He’d climbed up the window, he could just as easily climb down. With undue panic, he wrenched open his room’s door loud enough to alert the neighbors. It was enough at least to wake Andrew, who lifted a pillow off his crumpled hair with sleepy eyes.

In the next moment, he didn’t know what spurred Andrew to say: “I’ll leave in a bit.”

Kevin shook his head. “No.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Neither was I. You’re under supervision.”

“f*cking suicide watch or something?” Andrew asked, sitting up slowly. He spot Kevin’s water bottle on the floor and grabbed it with ease, drinking straight from the nozzle. Kevin stared, but he didn’t know why. Andrew’s eyes were closed. It was easier to watch him when he wasn’t a witness, his senses too sharp to miss a look like this.

Kevin shook his head out of his thoughts.

“Kind of”, Kevin said. “More like, you need to tell me what actually happened so I know what to do next.”

“You sound just like your father.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Don’t change the topic.”

He stayed leaning against the wall next to the door. In this way he could face Andrew from a distance that wouldn’t make the other boy too uncomfortable. He’d only just come back, Kevin wasn’t sure if he would flee again.

Andrew threw his bottle aside. Scratched the side of his head. His sleeve slipped up to reveal his whole arm wrapped in bandages. Kevin’s eyes snagged onto the covering, before meeting Andrew’s.

Andrew waited for him to ask. Kevin waited for this to become easier.

“Did you-”

“Yes”, Andrew said. “Say it proper.”

“Did you-”

“Did I?”

Kevin glared at him. Andrew smiled, but it was empty.

“Yes, Kevin. I tried to kill myself. I wasn’t supposed to survive the crash either.”

Kevin’s eyes widened. “Crash? Was she driving drunk or-”

Andrew stretched his arms over his head, but it wasn’t enough to distract Kevin. “Was she ever sober?”

“Stop talking like a moron. Tell me properly.”

Andrew tilted his head, like he was assessing if Kevin deserved to know. Of course Kevin deserved to know! Who the hell else was Andrew going to tell?

“I did it. I pulled her steering wheel hard enough to make the car f*ck over. She lost control.”

“Just like that?” Kevin’s heart was beating fast.

“It’s not hard to kill someone in a moving car-”

“No, I know that”, Kevin interrupted. Andrew’s bragging was making his blood boil. “Must’ve been real easy for my mother to die too.”

Andrew stopped speaking, and so did Kevin. He regretted it almost immediately, because now he was sure Andrew would run.

“I had to”, Andrew said, in way of explanation.

It disturbed him that he understood. If Andrew had to, then he had to – Kevin would never refute that, even if he didn’t know his reasons. But his mind raged about several things all at once. Andrew’s self-inflicted horror. His mother’s fading memories. His own uselessness in both scenarios.

Kevin said nothing for such a long time, Andrew walked up to him.

“Don’t want me to stay anymore?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes down at the blond boy. “There’s scrambled eggs on the table.”

“I just told you I killed my mother”, Andrew whispered. “And you want me to eat eggs.”

“They’re scrambled. You like scrambled.”

Andrew paused imperceptibly, then pushed Kevin out of his way. “f*cking idiot.”

Kevin grabbed his sleeve with enough force to stop him. “I don’t care that you killed her. I care that you tried to kill yourself.”

“Finally, you can say it out loud.”

“This isn’t a joke, Andrew.”

“To you-”

“Promise me you won’t try again.”

Andrew’s eyes were filled with unbridled anger. Kevin matched it. “Or what?”

“Or nothing. Promise.”

His grip on Andrew’s sleeve was lighter now, but Andrew didn’t pull away.

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“Then keep this one.”

The problem wasn’t Andrew’s anger, it was Kevin’s. Or was it even anger? He couldn’t tell anymore. He knew his skin was red, and his hands were sweating. He knew he was too close to Andrew, looking into hazel eyes as they peered into green.

“Let go”, Andrew whispered. Kevin’s grip loosened, and Andrew pulled away from him. “Don’t ask something so stupid of me again.”

“Fine then”, Kevin snapped back, but his voice was just as low. Andrew turned away in search of his food, and Kevin followed after him. “I’ll stick myself to you with glue.”
Andrew passed him a disgusted look.

“Staple our skin together.” Andrew pulled apple juice out the fridge and ignored him as they both took a seat at the dining table. “No, that would defeat the purpose. Handcuffs.”

Andrew’s glare was scathing. Kevin coughed at his impromptu insinuations – wrong thing to say, f*ck. Why had he thought that was a good idea?

“I’ll climb your f*cking window, how about that?”

Andrew sighed, pointing his fork at him. “I’ll kill you.”

Kevin grabbed his fork, pulling him closer across the seat. “You’d miss me.”

“In your dreams.” Kevin had ample evidence to prove how true this was, so he said nothing. He let go.

“Will your dog be going to school with us?”

“Obviously.”

“How’d he take the, uh-”

“Mother’s death? I’m here and he’s with a psychiatrist. How do you think he took it?”

Kevin shrugged. “She’s adopting him too, then?”

“I’ll leave again if she doesn’t.”

Andrew finished his eggs and reached for cereal like a starved man.

Chapter 5: summer

Chapter Text

Kevin hated summer.

Everyone hated summer – it made them irritated and sweaty and disgusting but Kevin hated summer. Wymack saw him lazing around the apartment with no hobby except Exy for days and weeks until he finally snapped.

“Shouldn’t you be doing teenager things?”

“What are teenager things? I don’t know any teenagers.”

“They’re identical, not invisible.”

“They’re as tall as I was at ten.”

“Kev, get the f*ck out of here.”

Kevin sent his father and i told you so look. “Knew you didn’t want me around. Should go back to Moriyama-”

“Har, har. Comedian of the f*cking century. Get out.”

He told Andrew, who agreed on the grounds that Betsy let him buy a car with his dead mother’s life insurance. There was absolutely no reason for Betsy to deny him, and the three boys peered down at the sleek design of their black car like they didn’t know what to do with it.

“Shotgun”, Kevin said, ‘cause he couldn’t imagine anyone except Andrew driving this.

“f*ck you”, Aaron replied. “My mom died for this.”

“Not special. Get in the back seat.”

“Why do I even have to go? I don’t want to third-wheel your stupid gay sh*t.”

Kevin met Andrew’s eyes briefly. This wasn’t the first time someone had assumed their sexuality, but it was the first time Andrew couldn’t punch the person for saying it. For a moment, Kevin thought he would, but Andrew put on his sunglasses and slipped into the driver’s seat.

Kevin shrugged at Aaron. “Your choice, man.”

“I’m staying.”

Andrew didn’t protest, but he waited till Aaron was back in Betsy’s house till he called her.

“He better be there when I get back”, Andrew said. It was a deranged level of trust to have in someone, because Kevin knew Andrew was too antsy to have Aaron out of his sight.

Tilda Minyard had been an absolute asshole, if Andrew’s meagre descriptions were anything to go by. He never insulted her in front of Aaron, who was in visible grief over the loss of his mother, but Kevin couldn’t understand why. Or when he tried to, he couldn’t imagine sadness was all Aaron felt.

There had to be some relief that she was gone.

“Yeah, I’ve got it”, Andrew said into the phone, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently. Kevin was surprised by how rough his hands looked – probably from all the Exy. Were they rough? “Bee.”

Andrew sounded like he would scold his adoptive mother, but Kevin heard the sharp trill of her laugh through the phone’s speakers. Kevin scrolled his playlist and searched for the aux cord to attach his phone.

Andrew hung up and knocked Kevin’s phone right out of his hands. It fell next to his feet.

Kevin stared across the console at Andrew with a deadpanned expression. Andrew kept a hand on his face and turned it away, so Kevin smacked his arm. “Asshole.”

“I’m not listening to your bullsh*t top 40 hits.”

“Some of them you like.”

“Be quiet.”

Andrew had hidden the aux chord under his butt.

It was stupid gay sh*t, but Kevin would never admit it.

They drove with no spot in mind, found a ridiculously blue icecream place and stuffed their faces till their mouths hurt. Or at least Andrew did – Kevin was learning the art of moderation. If he wanted to be a star athlete, he had to keep his diet in check.

“You disgust me”, Andrew said, and Kevin hesitated in wiping the smear of vanilla next to his lips. He stared pointedly, until Andrew wiped it away himself.

Amusem*nt parks, cotton candy nightmares, too sweet, too sixteen. It was ridiculous how sunny it was in the summer, exhaustion seeping into their bones when they finally turned to go back home. He’d been gone three days, Wymack would just have to be satisfied with that. The sunset was facing them on the way back, so Kevin took a picture of it, and then one of Andrew driving.

Now, Kevin wasn’t a f*cking idiot.

He knew what a wet dream was, and he knew there was objectively nothing wrong with them. It was only horrifying to have one with the co-star of said dream sleeping barely four steps away from him. God, at least they had separate beds.

“Let’s skip motels entirely”, Kevin said, when they left their trashy one. Yeah, Kevin. Blame it on the motels. They’re the reason why you’re thinking of your best friend’s mouth doing unspeakable things to you.

“You breaking out into hives or something?” Andrew asked, turning up the air-con. “Why are you so red?”

“Mind your own business.”

Kevin tried to cover as much of his face as possible, but it gave away his guilt.

“You’re thinking of something nasty. No someone. Who is it?”

“Your mom.”

“Disgusting. Which one? Tsk. Disgusting.”

“I’m not thinking of anyone, shut up.”

Andrew’s fingers drummed against the steering wheel long enough that Kevin thought he’d let it go.

“Did you get a girlfriend while I was away?”

“Oh my God”, Kevin groaned.

“Did you? I left you being bullied, and now you’ve got a girlfriend.”

“Maybe you were the reason they were bullying me.”

“Yeah”, Andrew nodded, seriously. Kevin squinted at him.

“I was kidding.”

“You’re a tall, smart jock, Kevin. Why the f*ck else would they bully you?”

“They thought I was gay-”

“They thought you were gay because I am.”

“That can’t be the whole- what?” Andrew sighed in response. “You’re gay?”

That helped nothing. That meant nothing.

Andrew glanced over, and Kevin knew he would’ve found nothing but horror on his face because the silence became heavy. Suddenly, the car was suffocating them both.

“I mean, it’s fine. That’s cool”, Kevin said, trying and failing at reassurance. He didn’t know how to tell Andrew the issue wasn’t with him, it was with Kevin. “That’s good with me. ”

“I don’t remember asking”, Andrew replied in a lower voice than before. But Kevin knew how to read him better now and he could tell Andrew was uncomfortable.

“Andrew, it’s fine.”

But Andrew didn’t say a single word to him for the rest of their ride back home.

Or afterwards.

*

“Take it easy, Seth”, Wymack said, dumping the boy on his couch. He had no idea what the boy had taken, but he knew a risk of overdose when he saw one. It was smart of Reggie to have called him. “Abby?”

“I’ll talk to him in the morning. God, he’s so young. What happened to him?”

“Track marks. Pills. I don’t know what else. These kids are gonna drive me insane.”

Wymack pulled out his cigarettes, and walked out the apartment. The hallway was lined with fences, looking down into the parking lot. He leaned against one and lit up, passing the pack to Abby. She tossed it down into the parking lot easily, and he gave her the vilest look he could manage.

“You look like sh*t, David.”

Wymack scratched his scruffy beard – Abby had no taste, he was sure he looked charming.

“The kid’s got potential. A sh*t ton of it.”

“Every eighteen year olds got some potential”, Abby offered, but Wymack shook his head, and blew out a smoke-ladden breath.

“Not every. Not all of them. I’m signing him on.”

Abby smiled her stupid, lovely smile and Wymack rolled his eyes. He was sure she was going to say something cheesy about his faith in them, but she peered down over the fence instead.

“Look, they’re back.”
Wymack watched Kevin exit the passenger side of the black car. Did he know how to drive? Was Wymack meant to teach him? Nah, Andrew would have that covered, wouldn’t he? On second thought, the kid didn’t seem like someone who’d trust Kevin with his shiny car.

Kevin stood in the parking lot with his hands in his pocket, and watched Andrew drive away at remarkable speed. Wymack’s eyes narrowed.

“Uh-oh”, Abby pouted, when she saw Kevin kick fake stones out his way as he walked back. “He looks like a sad kitten.”

Wymack stubbed out his cigarette and let out a shrill whistle. Kevin looked up, alarmed and Abby laughed.

“Or maybe a sad dog. I can’t decide.”

Wymack gestured Kevin over, even though he knew the kid was gonna get there eventually. He looked pathetic moping down there alone. If something stupid had happened between the two boys he’d rather have it out the way before it became a problem. He thought about it while he waited – he’d seen the way they worked around each other. He’d seen them play together. It wouldn’t be surprising if the teenage angst had gotten to them.

Momentarily, he thought of himself at Kevin’s age. Sixteen had been one of the worst years of his life. Belt bruises and bottle cuts, a drunk mother and a stupid criminal for a father. He remembered thinking that he didn’t even mind his father being a criminal. He’d minded how bad his father had been at crime; how stupid he had to be to go and die in a prison riot.

Good f*cking riddance.

If the slight ease of tension in Kevin’s shoulders was anything to go by, he could at least be sure his son wouldn’t think the same for him.

“Hmm?” Wymack prompted. Kevin sighed, loud and deep.

“Ooh”, Abby said. “That’s a rough one. What’s up, kid?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

He wouldn’t meet their eyes. Wymack looked to Abby and mouthed, Andrew?

Definitely, she mouthed back.

“Get some sleep, kid. You look beat.”

“So do you”, Kevin said. “The Foxes?”

Wymack shrugged. “They are what they are. One of ‘em’s sleeping on the couch. Don’t be scared.”

“Mhm”, Kevin said, and Wymack didn’t have the strength to ask him what was wrong. Maybe in another life he’d be the kind of father who would have deliberate heart-to-hearts with his son, but for now he could do little besides just being there.

He hoped it was enough.

Chapter 6: serve

Chapter Text

high school (sophom*ore year)

Kevin slammed the fridge door shut with a sigh, and turned to find himself face to face with a fresh plate of scrambled eggs. He glared at Wymack, who sipped his coffee like he was the most innocent man in the world.

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what? You love scrambled eggs.”

“You can’t think of anything else to make?”

“I have no ulterior motives.”

Kevin sighed again, eating them anyway, and trying very, very, hard not to think of his best friend. Or they’d become distant now, so maybe they were ex-best friends? Was that a thing? How could a best friend be ex?

“Is Andrew giving you a ride?”

Kevin nearly choked at the underlying insinuation of the statement, though he was very sure it wasn’t deliberate. “I’m walking.”

“You’re walking to school?”

“Running, actually. I need to get the steps in.”

“Can you be a normal kid?”

“Can you be a normal father?”

“I don’t know what you mean”, Wymack said. “I’m perfectly normal.”

Kevin cleared his throat, and Wymack rolled his eyes. He started counting on his fingers: “You drink more than your body weight. You chain-smoke like you’re trying to kill yourself. You keep collecting traumatized people like they’re stray dogs and you’re running the world’s largest dog shelter, and you wear jorts.”

“Those jorts were a gift from your mother.”

“My mother died so she wouldn’t have to see you wearing them.”

“Jeez”, Wymack said. “I feel like I’ve ruined your humor.”

“I don’t live to be funny.”

Wymack laughed. “What do you live for then?”

“To play exy. To read. To-”

“Not talk to the friend you’re down bad for?” Wymack mumbled. Kevin stopped chewing, sending his father a worried look. He knew? How did he know? “I’m not blind, kid.”

Kevin kept his fork down. “How long have you-”

“Doesn’t matter. Just talk to the kid. He says no, you back off like a decent human being or I’ll drop kick your ass off the roof”, Wymack pointed to him for emphasis. Kevin would rather throw himself off the roof than disrespect Andrew’s boundaries.

“You don’t have a problem with it?” Kevin asked. “With me liking a guy?”

Wymack groaned. “Don’t tell me you’ve got that internalized sh*t going on. Talk to Betsy-”

Kevin sent hima horrified look. “I’m not talking to his mom about him. God, you’re bad at this.”

“I’m bad at this? You’re bad at this. Man up, Kevin. Talk to the guy.”

Kevin pointed to his father before standing up to leave for school. “Don’t rush me.”

“Don’t be a loser!” Wymack called after him.

*

Andrew had been locked in a staring contest with his brother for the past two minutes and forty seven seconds.

The guy was good at staring, Andrew had to give him that. Both of them were relentless across the breakfast table, and what was worse was their posture. Similar frowns, the disapproving tilt of their brows, their arms crossed across their chest. Sullen. Defiant.

“It’s a stupid deal and you get nothing out of it” Aaron spoke, without blinking.

“Take it or leave it.”

“And if I leave it?”

Andrew shrugged. If Aaron didn’t agree to Andrew’s aggressive protection in high school, Andrew would simply choose less aggressive ways to protect him. He wasn’t going to tell his brother that, so Andrew watched him assume the worst – if he didn’t take the deal, Andrew would cut him off entirely.

He couldn’t be sure yet, but Aaron didn’t seem too eager to be separated from him either.

Strange, to have a reflection for a brother. Stranger still, to see his reflection blink when he hadn’t done the same.

“I’ll take it.”

Andrew grabbed his keys. “Don’t tell Bee.”

It wasn’t exactly out of disrespect, he just knew she’d talk him out of this. He knew someone else who would try to talk him out of it too, but. Well. He cranked up the volume of the stupid top 40 songs on the radio, and smoked through his pack on the way to school.

Andrew could feel the anxiety radiating off of Kevin Day from a mile away. In class, he deliberately ignored the second row in which Kevin was sitting in favor of the backseat with Aaron.

All day the twins got stares and questions like a pair of clowns had arrived for the school’s entertainment. Andrew stared people down until they left, but Aaron indulged them as much as he could. By the time lunch break rolled around, even his brother was exhausted.

Entering the cafeteria, Andrew stopped still.

A girl was sitting across Kevin on one of the benches, talking animatedly. Kevin was nodding along, his leg shaking under the table like he’d rather be running across a court instead. Or maybe in impatience, like he couldn’t wait for her to stop talking so he could back to reading. He looked up and immediately met Andrew’s eyes, his shoulders relaxing like Andrew would come save him the next second.

Andrew watched that relaxation sweep away into nothingness, the light in Kevin’s eyes fading when he realized they weren’t talking. f*ck, why weren’t they talking? Andrew remembered. He remembered, but he didn’t seem to care as he watched Kevin look back towards the girl with a sullen expression.

Andrew marched over, and Aaron followed diligently.

“Move”, Andrew said. “You’re in my seat.

Kevin’s mouth was open in shock, and Aaron sighed as he rounded the table to sit beside Kevin like a normal person would. But Andrew wasn’t feeling normal at all – he was feeling every urge to claw this random girl’s eyes out.

“Hello, Andrew right?” she said, cheerily. “There’s plenty of seats-”

“Don’t make me repeat myself”, Andrew said.

“Uh, Leah”, Kevin said, in a low voice. “Best to just move.”

Leah didn’t move, standing up to leave instead like she’d been insulted. Good that she was, Andrew was glad to be rid of her. Before she left, she placed a hand on Kevin’s arm, a gesture that caught the attention of all three boys.

“I’ll see you in class, Kevin.”

Kevin was staring at her hand like he didn’t know why it was there. “I’ll see you, yeah.”

She turned a glare towards Andrew, and then she was gone. Thank f*ck, that took ages.

“What the f*ck is your problem?” Kevin asked, snapping his book shut. His leg wasn’t shaking anymore, no. Andrew was going to get an earful, he knew this, but as soon as Kevin opened his mouth Andrew shoved a bread roll in it.

Kevin’s expression changed, the same old deadpanned look Andrew hadn’t missed for a second.

He spat out the bread roll, and glared at Andrew.

“I’m serious. You can’t just waltz in here and stop me from making friends after ignoring me-”

“She doesn’t want to be your friend-”

“She was being nice! You didn’t need to do all that-”

“Yeah well, you shouldn’t have made rescue me eyes across the cafeteria-.”

“You didn’t need to come save me, you asshole. Why the f*ck are you here right now if you’re just going to ignore me again later?”

Andrew didn’t want to ignore Kevin. It was just easier to ignore Kevin after what he’d admitted to a few weeks ago. The silence had been deadly – a near astronomical level of discomfort had settled in Andrew’s gut when he hadn’t been around his-

Kevin. When he hadn’t been around Kevin.

“I’m going to see you on the Court, anyway.”

“If you’re so pressed, then don’t play. Exy isn’t the only sport here.”

Andrew raised a brow at the mere suggestion. “You swear? You don’t want me to play?”

Kevin looked more than ready to swallow back his words.

“Who would you rather have in goal?” Andrew asked, nodding towards the direction in which the girl had gone. “Leslie?”

“Leah”, Kevin emphasised, throwing Andrew’s bread roll back at him. “And no, you can’t opt out. Everyone else plays like garbage.”

“You’re garbage.”

Kevin sighed, and for all his anger he looked very serious then. “If you ignore me-”

“Move past it, Kevin. Don’t make it weird.”

Andrew was half-sure he was the making it weird when he refused to make eye contact with Kevin, digging into his mac and cheese. Kevin, for his part, didn’t reply and soon enough they settled into a vaguely comfortable silence. Until Aaron cleared his throat.

“Why are you both acting like you f*cked on your trip?”

Andrew and Kevin both threw their bread rolls at him.

“What the f*ck? It was just a question! Damn.”

After practice, they were the last to leave and Kevin stopped Andrew with his words while they were getting ready to head out.

“I don’t care about- uh- about what you said. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re gay.”

It mattered to Andrew, which is why Kevin was saying this in the first place. He knew it was an easy way out to have stopped talking because of Andrew’s little confession but that wasn’t the only thing which had kept Andrew away from him.

The whole conversation had started because Kevin had woken up red in the face and unable to look Andrew in the eyes. The whole reason why Andrew had fessed up was to know if Kevin had any interest in him. His look of horror had given him away, but not in the manner he believed.

Andrew knew exactly who Kevin had been dreaming of that night. He’d called out Andrew's name in his sleep, for f*ck’s sake.

From all his avoidance, Andrew could tell Kevin didn’t know as much.

On the locker room bench, he braced his arms against his knees and looked into the green haze of Kevin’s apologetic eyes.

“I’ll let it go if you tell me who you were thinking about that day.”

It was a bold move, and a less blatant way to know where Kevin stood on his own feelings.

For a moment, Kevin looked away. Cleared his throat. Reached for his shoelaces. “Thea. Thea Muldani, the, uh- Raven-”

“Backliner”, Andrew finished. There it was, then. He leaned down to tie his laces. “I’ve heard of her.”

“Yeah, well. It’s completely f*cking normal, okay?”

Andrew shrugged, standing up. “I didn’t say anything.”

“What? You’ve never had a wet dream before?”

Neither of them were in the mood for confessions . “We’re not talking about this.”

“Look who’s making it weird now.”

“Still you”, Andrew said, ignoring his disappointment at Kevin's lie as easily as he ignored his own feelings for the other boy.

Chapter 7: seven

Chapter Text

Andrew was content waiting for Kevin outside his apartments, but Aaron was less patient. He leaned forward from the backseat and smacked his hand against the car’s horn. Andrew closed his eyes to the loud sound, and pushed his brother back.

“You let him get away with too much”, Aaron said.

“Being five minutes late to school won’t kill you”, Andrew drawled. “Unless you’ve got someone waiting.”

His brother was decidedly quiet. Their deal made them both off-limits to everyone – after all, he couldn’t protect Aaron if he kept putting his hand in the lion’s mouth.

“Y’know”, Aaron said, a beat later. “You can’t be with him either.”

Andrew kept smoking like his brother hadn’t spoken at all, but his heart was beating at twice the rhythm. He knew the trap he’d set up for himself – he’d done so for a reason. Kevin was off-limits. Kevin was his only friend. Kevin didn’t think of him the same way, one wet dream not included. Dreams were hardly a good way to judge someone. Better to bar himself from the mere idea than entertain the thoughts that crept up. The problem was, these days, they crept up anyway.

“I don’t want to be with him”, Andrew lied, tossing his cigarette out. He was watching Kevin run towards the car full pelt. Aaron laughed at him, but thankfully said nothing else.

Kevin barelled into the passenger seat, immediately cranking up the air-con. “f*ck you, Andrew. Stop smoking, the car stinks.”

Andrew slipped on his sunglasses and ignored him. Kevin threw a box at him, and another at the backseat before relaxing in his seat.

“Happy birthday, you f*cktards.”

“I did not agree to this”, Andrew said, his arms crossed.

“I distinctly remember saying last year that your next birthday was going to be healthier.”

“You said. I did not agree.”

“Too bad”, Kevin rolled his eyes. “Try it.”

“I will kill you if make me drink this.”

“You say you’ll kill me everyday. It holds no meaning.”

Andrew stared down the stupidly green smoothie. Kevin promised it was refreshing. Andrew knew it was disgusting.

“Fine. What do I need to do to get you to drink this?”

Andrew tapped his foot under the dining table. “We go to Columbia.”

“Columbia?” Kevin asked. “What’s in Columbia?”

Aaron laughed. “Andrew don’t tell him, he’ll never agree.”

Andrew knew as much, so he stared Kevin down. “Agree to Columbia and I'll drink this. Your choice.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes, but he was too curious to say no. “Fine.”

Andrew threw the straw out, and chugged the smoothie down in ten seconds. Aaron took a picture, but Kevin only smiled. Andrew refused to believe that was reason enough to drink this stupid sh*t. It was refreshing. f*ck.

*

“You’re kidding.”

Aaron couldn’t stop laughing, standing under the neon header of Eden’s Twilight.

“Andrew we can’t go in there. We’re way too underage-”

But the twins were already greeting the bouncer – some complicated handshake, and a few seconds later they were surrounded by horrific EDM. Andrew didn’t even stop for a second, making a beeline for the bar. Kevin followed him, his eyes flitting around the room.

“You’ve never been to a club before?” Aaron asked.

“Of course not. Why do you guys even know of this place?”

“Andrew’s friends with one of the bartenders”, Aaron shrugged.

Kevin didn’t understand how they were friends, but he noticed the smile said bartender was giving Andrew and he felt nothing but discomfort.

“Why’s he looking at him like that?” Kevin asked. Aaron sent him a pitiful glance, and urged him away towards one of the empty tables. Andrew appeared a few moments later with a tray full of drinks.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “You are not this much of a goody two-shoes, Kevin.”

“We shouldn’t be here.”

“Says who?” Aaron said, already drinking. Kevin hesitantly picked up a shot of clear liquid.

“Vodka”, Andrew told him. He pointed and named some of the other names, but Kevin’s eyes snagged on his arms.

“Do you like them?” Kevin asked. Andrew’s arms were covered in black armbands, courtesy of Kevin. It had taken him weeks to think of a good enough gift, and eventually he’d settled on this. Andrew was someone who felt warm even in winters, but he never let himself wear sleeveless tanks or short sleeves. It bothered Kevin that the other boy made himself so immensely uncomfortable in so many ways. There was little Kevin could do to prevent his habits, because Andrew wouldn’t listen to him. But he could always try to help. He would always try to help.

“They’re alright.”

In Andrew terms that meant it was a perfect gift. Kevin smiled in easy satisfaction, and Andrew rolled his eyes. Staring at him under fluorescent lights felt all too dangerous. Kevin felt like he knew what his dreams would be about tonight. It was much easier then, to take one shot after another.

Somehow Andrew drove them back to the twin’s old house.

“Ugh”, Aaron said. “This place stinks.”

He snapped opened the lights and all three boys groaned. Kevin turned right back around and head out the house, slumping on the porch because he couldn’t be bothered to carry his weight inside. He heard the twins crash into something as they navigated their way up the stairs.

His head was spinning way too much – he couldn’t imagine climbing stairs right now. Just the thought of it made him dizzier.

The November breeze was cold on his face, and he closed his eyes to take it in. When he opened them again, he found the small patch of grass near the driveway calling to him. He moved on instinct, crossing his legs on the ground, and staring out into the well-lit street. He couldn’t see anyone else around.

It was so peaceful.

A moment later he heard the porch door swing shut, and then Andrew was sitting next to him.

Kevin didn’t look at him when he said: “You like them. The armbands. You won’t say it but I know.”

Andrew didn’t reply, and in the following silence Kevin’s head began to throb. He lay back down on the grass with his legs still crossed, staring at Andrew’s back.

“I’m going to be so sick tomorrow.”

Silence.

“The music was sh*t.”

Silence.

“Did you at least have fun?”

Silence.

“How do you know him? That stupid bartender?”

Andrew sent Kevin a sideways look. “Roland?”

“Whatever. Roman. Roland. Robert. How do you know him?”

Andrew might have smiled or Kevin might have imagined it. “Why do you want to know?”

“He has a…stupid face”, Kevin drawled. “Like a toilet plunger.”

Slowly, Andrew let himself lay back. Kevin kept his eyes on the night sky, but he could feel Andrew’s stare on his warm cheeks.

“Roland looks like a toilet plunger”, Andrew said.

“Mhm”, Kevin agreed. “And he looks way older. Like way, way older than you. Ancient. He was there for Pompeii.”

“What happened in Pompeii?” Andrew asked. Kevin sent him an incredulous look.

“You don’t know what happened in Pompeii?”

Andrew shook his head. Kevin racked his mind to come up with the right words to describe it, but all he could manage was: “Uh. Volcano eruption. People dead.”

Andrew did laugh at that, a small huff of it. God, Kevin’s chest was full of the sound on his next breath. He’d taken it in now, and he didn’t want to exhale. f*ck, why wasn’t this fading away? Why were they always so close all the time? Kevin turned his head to properly look at Andrew.

“There was rarely ever food at home. Roland helped me out by letting me work at the bar.”

Kevin felt ill at ease. “What kind of work?”

“Washing dishes mostly. He paid me under the table.”

“He likes you”, Kevin blurted out, his cheeks feeling warmer than before.

“I know”, Andrew replied.

“Do you like him?” His heartbeat had to be unnatural, the way it was running out of his chest.

“No.”

Slowly, his heart settled. Slowly, he let himself absorb the truth. Andrew didn’t like Roland. Good. This was good. Why was this good?

Kevin looked back again at the sky. “Can’t see any stars.”

He raised his arm to count the few he spotted. One. Two. Three. Four. Andrew’s hand rose next to him, and Kevin almost startled at the sight of bare skin. Scars lined almost every inch, rough and fading. He couldn’t see any new lines. Five. Six. He was suddenly overwhelmed by Andrew’s trust – the other boy had never let Kevin see his arms before.

“Six”, he finished, at the same time Andrew said, “Seven.”

“Where’s the seventh?”

Andrew looped his arm around Kevin’s, folding his hand on top of his. Kevin felt his breath catch in his throat, but said nothing as Andrew pointed his finger to one of the lone stars in the corner. All his senses felt too sharp, too fragile, with their hands so easily pressed together.

“Seven”, he admitted, and Andrew let go.